I’m having some difficulty coping with the shock of my father’s death. Although he went quickly, at the top of his game, and we (my sister, brother and I) did him proud in the service, the disposing of his ashes and the celebrating of his life; although the two of us had a beautiful, clear, unified, laughter-filled connection during the last years of his life and he would have wished none of this, I am experiencing sleeplessness, confusion and anxiety at the thought of slipping into depression. There is an involuntariness about physiological response to emotional shock that upsets, leaves one feeling helpless, frightened, weak, incapable and overwhelmed by the silliest things. It’s as if a selfish fear has pushed its way in, obstructing the expression of genuine sorrow
I’m assured that all symptoms mentioned above are common to mourning. My concern is that they will be long lasting and debilitating.